Bad news to share

Well, unfortunately we are no longer pregnant. I had a miscarriage back in November. At our first ultrasound at 7w4d the baby was only measuring 6w1d and there was just a flicker of a heartbeat. We were hoping for the best that our dates were just off. Since this was a natural cycle I wasn't 100% sure when I ovulated since we were gearing up for IVF with our next cycle. The OB asked me to come back in 2 weeks for another ultrasound to check for growth. That was a very hard 2 weeks. We wanted to be positive and think that everything was fine and my dates were off, but in the back of my mind I guess I kinda knew things weren't ok. My pregnancy symptoms were not very strong and I hardly had m/s. With my son, I had TERRIBLE m/s from 6 weeks. This was all during the end of November. Ben and I were scheduled for a getaway to Las Vegas the few days before Thanksgiving getting back into town Thanksgiving morning. The OB said to go ahead and go, so we did. However, while we were there I had a couple light spotting issues. It was terrifying since I wasn't even home. I called the OB emergency line from Vegas. She said that if I was miscarrying that there was nothing they could do to stop it anyway and all the walking around we were doing in Vegas was not going to "cause" a miscarriage. I tried to enjoy the rest of the trip, but always had it in the back of my mind, and I am pretty sure Ben did too. Well, we got home in time for Thanksgiving and things were ok, however that weekend I had another little bout of light spotting. There was no way I could wait until the next Thursday for my ultrasound, so Monday morning after the holiday I asked if they could work me in for the ultrasound. Well, being the first day after a long holiday it was PACKED! I left work early because they said they could get me in at 2pm. Ben called off work and we got there and waited until 5pm for the ultrasound! I was pissed, I didn't need to leave work early! Anyway, when I had the ultrasound I knew as soon as I looked at the screen it was over. No heartbeat at all this time - not even a flicker, and there was no growth. It was over. I had what they call "A Missed Miscarriage". I had a D&C Thursday. The D&C wasn't too bad. I think it was harder dealing with the emotional part vs. the physical part. I have been very depressed and suffering from anxiety since the m/c. I am going to the dr today to see if they can get me anything. I guess the good thing about this mess is we found out that we can get pg without treatments. Ben and I will try again on our own for 6 months and then contact the RE again. Maybe an IUI might work for us. I am terrified of getting pg again and m/c again, so I started looking into adoption. Damn it is expensive! I've looked at 2 agencies and one was close to $38,000 and the other was $22,000. For that we can try 2 full cycles of IVF! I know there are cheaper ways to adopt, but we don't want to travel and want an infant. So, adoption is on the back burner until we talk to the RE about maybe some IUI or another IVF this coming summer. I am very heartbroken about losing the baby. I have a lot of on-line friends that it has happened to and friends IRL too, but I NEVER in a million years think it would happen to me. It is so surreal. Well, I guess we get back on the TTC journey. And here I thought we had come to the end. Life sure does keep you on your toes!