First ultrasound is tomorrow

And I'm not sure I'm going to make it! I'm so impatient. It seems like we have waited for an eternity for the day to come. My emotions are just a jumble of feelings. I go from feeling like things are perfect and we will see the heartbeat, to thinking "I wonder when I'll need another D&C." I am trying to have a positive attitude (even though I know what I just said). I have to say that this time around I am feeling a lot more morning sickness. I think that is a good sign. When I was pregnant with William, I had pretty bad morning sickness. I only puked once, but I had all-day nausea. I've had steady nausea since Friday; so a full 5 days now. When I was pg and lost the baby, I had a little m/s, but not much. There are also a few things that I think may have been problems during my last pregnancy and maybe had something to do with the m/c. Last time, I had strep throat so a very high fever, lots of Advil, and lots of antibiotics. At the time, I had no clue I would be pregnant, and all those things are bad during the first trimester. Also, last time I got a severe static shock. It was the worst shock I have ever received in my life. Everything I read on the Internet said that a shock is TERRIBLE for a baby, no matter what trimester. Another thing is I am not under as much stress as last time. I found out I was pregnant a couple days before we closed on our house, so there was all the stress with offers, counter offers, and inspections. Now, I have no clue if any of these things contributed to the loss of the baby or if there was just some genetic defect, which is what most miscarriages are caused by. It may not make one bit of difference, but when you are the type of person like I am, I like answers! I am a teacher. I teach why things are the way they are and answer questions all day. When there is something that comes along that I don't have a definitive answer for, it bugs me. I need to get into my mind that some things are not answered and not in my control. That is so hard for me. So, what I am going to do with myself until I get to my ultrasound at 3:50pm? Think about it all day long, pray and pray and pray and pray, and try to get it through my thick skull that there is nothing I can do to help things or hurt them. It is out of my hands.

Today I am pregnant, and today I love my baby!