The emotional roller coaster begins

I guess this is more real to me now more than ever. I went to the store to pick up my bcp, and they hadn't gotten it in yet. Ok, so yes, it was inconvenient for them not to have it when they said they would, but it is my own fault for not calling them first. So, I go home and figure I will come back later, and make sure to call! While I am home and waiting, I do a Google search about this BCP. It is called Femcon, and I had never heard of it. BCP and I don't get along well, so I figure I would get some info since I get very nervous about trying something new. I should have NEVER done that. I found a whole bunch of bad reviews about the stuff, which started to scare me. So, I called the RE's office and talked to the nurse. I asked her if there was something else I could take because the pharmacy was having trouble getting the Femcon (had to order it from Denver) and it was a $56 co-pay. The nurse, in her kinda pissed off tone, told me that they want me to take the Femcon and that's that. I don't know if it was the nurse not being totally friendly or what, but after that phone call, I started to cry. Why? A lot of things. I think the whole cycle just kinda hit me! First, I am scared to take this new pill that everyone says is awful, is expensive, and I've never taken before. Second, this brings back lots of memories of our TTC struggles of the past. It was extremely hard on me, and starting back with ART (Assisted Reproductive Technologies) just brings back the pain. Thirdly, I am afraid of the unknown. The uncertainty - Will I get sick from these damn pills? Will my mock transfer and SonoHSG be as bad as last time? Will the Lupron shots give me headaches again? Will the patches I have to wear have side effects? Will my embryos thaw? Will I get pregnant at all? Will I get pregnant with twins (which scares the shit out of me!)? Will this all be a waste of time, energy, and money? Will this be the best thing I've ever done? This roller coaster ride is not a fun one, I can tell you that!